feelings of lose

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feelings of lose

Postby abby » Tue Apr 19, 2005 12:11 pm

My name is abby and i am 17 i have had a lot of difficulty coming to terms with my adoption sometimes when i try and explain to a friend my story i dont really feel like i understand it myself i was adopted at one and a half to my parents who were desperate for a child although i was already settled in a foster home knowing them as mum and dad i didnt seetle well and my bdad (now dead) and bmum tried to kidnap me back when the courts made an admin error i didnt find out about this until i was 15 and i really resented my parents for not telling me although i already knew about my bparents mental illness and that they wanted me but couldnt keep me for that reason. When I was 8 my adtvparents divorced which was very angry and violent even today they care more about getting back at each other even if it means i have nowhere to live( my mum threw me out 8 months ago as i was very angry and difficult to control) and i began to feel like i didnt belong to any family when i started high school i discovered my younger sister( also adopted )birth family i had to sit in class with her 1st cousin and not tell her or my sister my sister then worked out for herself as she made friends with her cousins ithis was really difficult to get my head around and i imagine the same for my sister. I never really felt any desire to meet my birth mum but three months ago i discoverd i was pregnant ive become very depressed and find it difficult to see friends as they are all going to uni something i had planned i know i cant go through with an abortion as its someting i dont agree with and my adtvmum said she will disown me if i do we dont have the best of r/ships after she threw me out but i dont want to lose the only family i have. I have made the decision to give the baby up for adoption i just feel so alone and lost i dont want this baby and then i feel so selfish for feeling like that because i grew up feeling unwanted and like i lose everyone that i ever get close to. If anyone has had any similiar experiences or situations as im really struggling to talk to friends or even relate to them.
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Joined: Tue Apr 19, 2005 11:33 am

Postby Guest » Wed Apr 20, 2005 12:15 pm


I don't know what it is like to be adopted and certainly don't what it is like to have an upbringing like yours but I do know what it is like to have a baby adopted.

Have you thought about having counselling? You do need support from somebody which in turn will help you declde what to do for the best over your life.

You are not selfish for wanting your baby adopted and there is nothing wrong with being honest for admitting to preferring adoption over abortion. I didn't want to abort my baby for much the same reason but I would have preferred to keep my baby however my circumstances were different.

The best advice I can give you is get support from a counsellor who should also point you in the right direction to get good avice over having your baby adopted. It may be worth you joining (it is free) www.adoptionforums.com and post initially on the Birth Parents fourm and the Adoptive Parents forum where you will also get loads of support and advice.

I joined that site after I was reunited with my son last year and am eternally thankful for the support I received from other members.

Good luck!

Postby Guest » Wed Apr 20, 2005 3:23 pm

My goodness Abby - what a lot you have had to deal with in just 17 years.
My heart goes out to you.

I was also adopted but in the 60's so it was different then.

Growing up knowing I was adopted never bothered me until my adoptive parents divorced when I was 12. That was difficult because I was so close to my adopted Dad, he moved 100 miles away. I felt that I was rejected by my birth Mum and then again by my Dad.

The experiences I had made me stronger and independant. It was "Me" and what "I" wanted to do with my life that became important.

I got married at 20 to my husband, I now have 2 teenage daughters and will be celebrating 18 years of marriage this summer. My Dad now lives in Spain but we have regular contact. I found my birth Mum last year and we are in constant contact & my adoptive Mum & I are closer today than we have ever been.

The point I am trying to make is that your future is in your own hands. Your family have their own ideas about what is right for you, and you should listen to them, but at the end of the day, you have to live with your decissions for the rest of your life - they don't.

If adoption is the right choice for you and the child, then that is what you should do - with proffessional support.

All the very best
Elly :)

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