help me understand

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help me understand

Postby Guest » Wed Dec 07, 2005 7:54 pm

i just met my real mum and she told me she never wanted me, that she hated me an that i ruined her life. she said that she never wanted 2 see me again. she said she only agreed 2 see me 2 let me know that i was never to contact her again. i dont understand what i did wrong, i always dreamed she'd want me. my adopted mum and dad were great and have supported me and that makes me feel worse because i know how hard it was for them 2 watch me do this. what have i done wrong? even tho i love my adopted mum and dad i wanted my real mum to want me, and i dont understand why she doesnt. please tell me im not the only adopted person out there who feels like this.

Postby Guest » Wed Dec 07, 2005 8:51 pm

Sending you love and thoughts so that you will get through this and become stronger because of it. Can't explain or understand why she is like this, perhaps time will make it clear.

Postby Tigerfeet » Thu Dec 08, 2005 11:16 am

Hello Guest. Well I can definitely sympathise with you because the same has happened to me - although my natural mother told me in a letter and not face to face - which must have been truely horrible for you.

Please, please do not think that you should feel any blame in this situation because you shouldn't. The way your natural mother feels is not your fault. I know it is hard because I seem to blame myself a lot for how my natural parents have reacted to me but at the end of the day I know I shouldn't blame myself - plus my husband keeps reminding me that it's not my fault.

I can't explain how your natural mother feels but only she can explain why she said what she said to you.

I know this probably doesn't make the situation any better but at least you know where you stand.

This is very hard emotionally but you will get through this and, this has already been said, although you may not feel it now it will make you into a stronger person.

Sending you lots of ((((hugs))))

Best wishes

Fran xxx :D
Posts: 40
Joined: Fri Aug 05, 2005 11:55 am
Location: Cheshire

Postby Jordibird » Thu Dec 08, 2005 12:41 pm

Ahh Guest, I feel so sorry for you, I agree with all Fran and Piglit have said. Please don't blame yourself it is not you, it is your natural mother. As already said only she can tell you why, I cannot begin to guess or get my head round why she would agree to meet you only to tell you that, to me that was totally wicked (I would give my right arm for a meeting with my son).
What you have to remember here is that you are one terrific person who has done nothing at all wrong, all this is not your fault at all. You have a loving Mum and Dad there, turn to them let them help you with all this, it will make it a little bit easier if you share your hurt with them, that afterall is what your parents are there for. Your natural Mum doesn't know what she is missing and I pity her!!

You take care and keep smiling you are worth it all!!

Love and best wishes

:D :D
Posts: 74
Joined: Thu Sep 15, 2005 2:37 pm
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne

Postby rc01 » Thu Dec 08, 2005 2:42 pm

Guest I feel for you, it is hard enough living with being adopted without been rejected again.
Your mum could have rejected you for a number of reasons and I am not going to try and guess why but remember that it is nothing to do with who you are. She doesn't even know you so it can't be personal. Don't blame yourself.
You are not the only person to feel like this, I think most of us adopted people have these feelings of guilt and lack of self esteem. It's part of the territory.
Take care
Posts: 69
Joined: Sun Nov 13, 2005 12:02 pm

Postby Guest » Thu Dec 08, 2005 9:41 pm

thank you for your replies it makes me feel a bit better 2 know im not the only one whos gone through this. i guess i should be greatful that she actually had me and gave me 2 parents who would love me. i know im lucky to have my adopted parents theyve been the best 2 me.

Postby jones49 » Wed Dec 20, 2006 12:43 pm

hi guest

i was 40 this year and my b/parents still blame me and my sis for choosing our adopted parents over them.i was 12 when i was legally adopted but fosterd from the age of 2 and half(by the same adopted parents).i know me and my sis were never wanted and im glad iv made the choice never to meet them.

its just awfull that your b/mum actually said these cruel things to you but at least now you know and its time to move on with out her

sending you hugs
angie xx
Posts: 23
Joined: Fri Dec 15, 2006 4:23 pm
Location: wales

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